“She wanted to go back. She wanted to be a little girl again, the one who thought getting high meant being pushed on the swing and pain was falling off her bike.”
That is just an excerpt from the book entitled Falling Into Place that is written by Amy Zhang. We all wanted to go back. We all wanted to be that little kid where one of the few things that could make us cry is whenever we fell off our bike.
Do you still remember when we always try our best to cry as loud as we can so that our parents could hear us and help us? Now, look at you. You are crying silently so that your parents won’t be able to know that you are hurting. So that they won’t know that you’re falling. Not off your bike but apart—you’re falling apart.
News flash, it’s totally okay. Falling apart is not the end of you because it’s the start of building the new you. Here are the reasons why you shouldn’t worry if you feel like your life is breaking into pieces.
You’ll learn how to be tougher
Robert Schuller once said, “Tough times never last, but tough people do.” Whatever life is throwing you, you will eventually learn how to cope up with it. The next time you are frustrated by challenging circumstances you’re experiencing or you are wondering why things are so difficult, stop and imagine exactly why your life is being altered. No one’s ever going to save you from your misfits. You should be your own soldier. Learn how to defend yourself against all odds.
The hardships that you have overcome will help you how to appreciate no matter how small or huge the things you are having. Life shouldn’t always about being vocal about it; it’s about connecting the dots to create a huge picture from it. These little things are like our memory lane. For example, you saw how happy the small kids across the street; you suddenly felt nostalgic because of that. You could easily distinguish who you are back then and who you are right now.
You’ll know the importance of clean slate
You fell apart but that doesn’t mean that you will prevent yourself from restarting. You should be thankful that you are one of those people who has given the chance to paint their blank canvas again. Grab that opportunity to choose whatever color you like without thinking of the opinions of others. It’s your life; make the best out of it.
No matter where you are in your life, it is not too late to create your masterpiece. You are not just the writer of your life; you are also the artist of your soul. The time might be ticking but you should know that everyday, we are all given the new chance to be better and to start a new chapter in our life.
You’ll tell who the real deal is
When you fall apart, it’s inevitable that some people close to you will drift apart from you, too. It’s hard. It’ll hurt you but eventually, you will get used to it and you will realize that it’s all part of growing up. Don’t mind the people who left, appreciate the people who stayed with you through ups and downs. We must remember that they have their own path as well, and we must let them find themselves, as same as we are finding ours. People come and go and life must go on.
You’ll crave for mistakes
Yes, it’s not a typographical error nor I forgot to add a word. Mistakes show who and what we are. It’s like a blessing that most of the people don’t want to receive. When a shortcoming arises, working on possible solutions, redefining what we want or expect, or reexamining our values or goals can lead us to more clarity about our path. Failures teach us that after falling apart, we need to build ourselves again in order to grow.
In every mistake that you do, you get to be able to know yourself more—all your flaws, imperfections, and your other dilemmas in life. After removing all the toxic people who unexpectedly the reasons behind your downfall, you’ll feel that you are more secure of your life. Why? Because those people silently want to mess up with your life by hiding under their masks.
Most of the times, they are the one who keeps on pointing out your failures and defects. Not because they are genuine to you but because they wanted you to feel bad about yourself. Check them out of the list of the people who matter to you. They seriously do not deserve that spot.
You’ll realize how special you are
Everyone of us is special and unique in our own way, it’s just we can’t see it due to the standards of society. Now that you have built yourself up, it’s time for you to make your checklist and go to another place and start a new life. Perhaps living in a toxic environment is one of the reasons why you keep on falling apart. Why don’t you try living alone as you’re trying to fix yourself? You’ll never know not until you’re able to try it even once in your life.
You’ll know the importance of breathing
Inhale good vibes, exhale bad vibes. This is not about knowing the proper way of breathing. It’s about learning how to breathe when your world is already turning upside-down. Take the moment to appreciate everything by pausing. Don’t let yourself get bombarded with negativities. Give yourself the chance to take a break from the chaos and dramas.
We forgot that we are merely humans and not robots. We forgot that we also need to be recharged. We forgot that we need to declutter ourselves in order to leave a space for us to breathe. Avoid letting yourself to be exhausted. Learn to know when to rest.
When you already know how hard life is, you’ll be careful of who you will pick fights with because you were once in their place. You were once struggling and you know how difficult it is to wake up every day with the whole world loaded on your shoulders. You’ll avoid having prejudices and you will start to appreciate other people and these are two of the beautiful things that will happen to you.
You’ll learn how to say no
To be honest, one of the reasons that you are broken is because you keep on saying yes even though deep inside it’s already a big no. You’re just human. You’ll eventually get tired of it. Saying no won’t eventually means “friendship over”. You just need to explain why you couldn’t make it. After all, a toxic friend demands while a real friend understands.
When you always say yes, people would think that you’re easy to be torn apart. You cannot make your own stand that’s why it’s easier for them to trap you in their cage and to eventually leave you damaged and broken. There’s nothing wrong with saying no. You want to know what’s wrong, it’s when you keep on pleasing other people when in fact you should not.
You’ll know who’s willing to stay
Whether you like it or not, there will always be people who are willing to turn their backs on you when they know that your world is tearing apart. But you know what, it’s okay. Having to experience such misfortunes make you feel blessed to know that there are still people who are willing to be with you and stick with you even though you’re already damaged. These are the kind of people who are for keeps. Never let go of them. Don’t chase the people who left instead value the people who stayed.
Whenever you feel like the world is against you, you end up forgetting that you actually exist. Sometimes, you want to end your life just because you think that you are worthless. I’ve been there. Maybe, once or twice, I lost count already. There are multiple of times that I wanted to do that thing but I’m thankful that I didn’t.
If you think that you’re falling apart, don’t you think that the people who truly care for you won’t cry for you? Stop thinking that no one loves or likes you. Stop thinking that you are not worthy enough. Stop being sorry for yourself and start forgiving yourself.
You’ll manage your expectations
You know that expectations can ruin your focus. You’ll no longer dwell on the present rather; you have shifted your focus on the future. What happens next – how it turns out, how others respond – doesn’t matter right now. Sometimes, expectations could lead to disappointments. Enjoy your life without anticipating too much from others. Always remember that genuine happiness depends on you, not on others.
You’ll end up standing strong
You’ve been shattered down and left damaged but there you are. You’re still alive. Yes, you’re struggling but that’s what life’s all about. It’s part of being human. The struggles that you’re facing right now will be your ticket in knowing the better and stronger you. It’s okay to feel fragile sometimes. It’s okay to feel broke and unhappy sometimes but don’t get stuck on that phase of your life.
When life has been knocking you more than you could imagine, stood up immediately. Chin up and smile as if you’ve beaten the world even though in reality you’re still in the stage of worrying. As what they say, fake it until you make it.
You’ll know that you’re not alone
Don’t think that you are the only one who was put in this situation. You’re not the only one who is struggling right now. There are so many people who are just like you—broken and frail. Don’t think that you’ve been cursed that’s why you’re experiencing it right now. Just think of this as a challenge and you need to do everything to continue to the next stage. Believe me when I say that you’ll get through it even if you think you can’t.
After the series of twists and turns, finally, you will be able to discover the right path for you. You might think that the compass of your life is pointing to the wrong direction. The truth is you’re not actually lost. You have a lot of choices but you don’t know what is meant for you. You have a lot of things to do that you end up not being able to handle everything.
Perhaps, it’s the part of being an adult or someone who’s just exploring the world of adulthood. It’s difficult. You don’t know when or in what way life would break you apart again. All you have to do is to make sure that you are much tougher than your problems.
You’ll be mindful of your words
Words aren’t just words. They are considered to be powerful. It can heal or kill a person. It can make or break a person. You tend to be very careful of the words you say. Since you’ve experienced this, someone killed your hopes with just a simple phrase but someone gave you hope upon hearing a statement. If you think that words aren’t that powerful enough to change you, you’re living a life full of lies. For example, with just one sentence, your life will be ruined or with just two words, your life will soon be okay again.
You’ll get to discover your artistic side
Whether you’ll express it in the form of writing or painting, you’ll be surprised that you actually have that side. In my case, I get to discover that I have the ability to write. Maybe, that’s the reason why you’re reading this now. I’ve experienced the hardships in life even before I turned 21. There are a lot of hindrances that came my way but I’ve overpowered those problems with the use of art.
If you think that most of the world couldn’t understand you, express it through art. Paint your feelings and write down your emotions. Pay attention to your inner voice and let your uniqueness shine.
You’ll get hurt again
But it is not as same as it was before. Maybe because you’ve been hurt so much in the past that you already know how it feels to get hurt. For you, getting hurt means giving yourself the chance to do the things right. Falling apart can happen not just once in your life but unlike before, you’re now braver and tougher. There might be thousands of things that will make you cry, do remember that there are billions of reasons that could make you smile.
You’ll get to inspire others
The best thing about sharing your life story is you get to inspire the people who share the same situation with you. Remember that words are powerful. If you’ll choose the correct words to say, you’ll be able to give them hope. You’ll help them realize that ending your own life is not the solution to every problem you encounter in life. Isn’t it great to know that you’re one of the reasons why a certain person chose to live her life to the fullest rather than ending it?
You might perceive your life as full of mistakes and flaws, but for the younger generation who are struggling, too, your story is surely of great help. Everyone needs to have a shoulder to cry on. Everyone needs to have someone to talk with. Get up, stand stronger, and be that person that everyone needs.
Whatever life is throwing at you, you need to face it bravely. From all the battles that you’ve been to, you’ll realize that the best thing to do whenever you’re falling apart is to trust yourself it will end soon. Everything that has a beginning has its own ending. Every problem has its own solution. Everything has its own counterparts.
Don’t let yourself get stuck in the middle. Learn to move forward even if it will take forever for you to fix yourself again. Again, trust yourself. If you won’t trust yourself then who else will?
Life is a series of questions and one of the choices that you’ll encounter is whether you’ll move forward or walk away. Sure the sun stops shining sometimes, and you may get a huge thunderstorm or two, but eventually, the sun will come out to shine. See your life ruined and all messed up might be the most heart wrecking experience but what if because of that, you’ll end up being a better person.
Always remember that falling apart, also means letting everything fall into its right places. These are the 21 lessons that I’ve learned when I feel like the world keeps on dragging me down even before I turned 21. These are the reasons why falling apart is the best part of your life.