Learning How to Trust Again
Trust involves an explicit or implicit agreement between two people. In this type of relationship, whether it is between parent and child, spouses, friends, or others, Trudy is an essential part of the bond. When a person breaks the trust, it is hard for the two parties to rebuild what has been lost. Some of us also make the mistake of continuing in relationships where the trust gets broken often. We mistakenly tell ourselves that the person will not make that same error next time. While practicing forgiveness is essential, we also need to protect ourselves from people who wont take responsibility and abuse our faith in them. How to trust again? In this post, we consider what to do if you need want to trust someone but aren’t sure how:
“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough.” – Frank Crane
What Is Trust
It helps to start with what trust is. It is a bond between two people based on reinforcing qualities such as strength, honesty, truth, kinship, and faith. You expect that a trustworthy person will be there for you, will listen to you, will keep your secrets confidential, and will provide advice that is in your best interest. If there is also love, then you expect the person whom you trust will continue to hold that strong affection for you even when you make mistakes.
What to Do When You Have Trust Issues
It takes some self-awareness to recognize that some of us find it more challenging to establish a bond, including mutual trust with others. We’ve been greatly hurt in the past, and we don’t like how we feel when someone betrays us, and we develop trust issues. We believe that it is easier to save ourselves from trusting others than to take the risk of getting hurt again. You may find it hard to trust if the idea of intimacy scares you, especially because you are bringing baggage from past relationships. When you have trust issues, there is this tendency to assume that negative things will happen by making yourself more vulnerable. However, it takes vulnerability to establish a close bond with anyone.
How to Make Yourself More Vulnerable
Making yourself open to new relationships or accepting people from the past back into your lives involves that level of risk that puts you outside of your comfort zone. You have to be willing to start sharing your private feelings and thoughts. These are the ones you would usually save for close relatives and friends we trust. Typically, becoming vulnerable to a new person requires sharing these intimate details of your life a little bit at a time. You see how the other person responds to that information and quickly learn whether it is okay to continue getting closer. There is a risk that anyone new to you will put up a good act for a while, fooling you that he or she is worthy of your trust. This person may later spill those details of your private life to others, but that’s why you take your time sharing personal information.
How to Establish Healthy Boundaries
If you are going to build a trust bond with another person, it is important to set yourself up as someone capable of trusting someone else. You demonstrate that you can trust by becoming vulnerable but also by being supportive when the other person becomes vulnerable to you. You must take the same care with that person’s information. Usually, this involves suspending judgment. You can also work to establish healthy boundaries, including discussing what kinds of information will be shared and how it will be kept safe. This could include everything from sharing past mistakes to where you keep your financial information in your home. You could open up about your intimate preferences with a partner, and you can talk through emotional traumas experienced in childhood. It all depends on how deeply you want to trust and get to know this person.
How to Continue in the Relationship
When you first set out to build a deep bond with a new person, remember that trust in the relationship occurs in layers. It takes time to see how someone handles your trust. For example, you share a secret and ensure that it is kept over time. You expect that the other person won’t bring that up over and over again or use it against you. You also do the same things in return that you expect from the other person. Let the other person know when you need to urgently share something because you are going through a difficult time and make yourself available in the other person’s time of need. Sometimes, we also form deep relationships with people over long distances and decide whether to share details of our lives on the phone or in virtual or mobile applications. We have things that we need to talk about. It is crucial to be sure who you are talking to in long-distance relationships because you will have less access to understanding how the other person might be using your personal information.
How to Show You Are Trustworthy in Return
Trusting someone also rests on the assumption that you are going to act honourably on your side of the relationship. You have to establish yourself as trustworthy, keep your word, guard the other person’s secrets, and reinforce the bond over time. You can learn trust as a principle by keeping the boundaries in the relationship healthy. If you become aware that the trust has been broken, you must learn to bring it up at the appropriate time. Talk about why you didn’t like the trust being broken and how this person can better respect the intimate bond you have in similar situations in the future.
Give It Time
Trusting someone does not happen overnight. You can experience a deep connection with someone. This person feels like someone you have known your whole life. Some of us believe that we have known such individuals in our past lives, which explains why we can rush past our usual cautionary selves and open up our lives to them in this lifetime. Being able to trust does not mean that you should accept untrustworthy people into your life without first vetting them for reliability. Here’s a good example. You meet someone through work or perhaps your religious or civic organization and assume they are trustworthy. You invite them over to dinner, and, afterward, you discover something of value is missing from your home. Don’t assume strangers have the same values as you and your family because of where you first meet them.
Stay in the Present
If you don’t want to let past negative experiences impact your present ability to trust and form close bonds with people, you must learn to stay in the present. This includes a combination of letting go of the past and focusing on the qualities of people who are in front of you now. Any new person could have attributes of a past transgressor, but it’s not fair to assume that he or she would treat you the same way. Also, if you accept someone from the past back into your life, you must be willing to put aside problems that have been addressed and buried. In both cases, you can’t move forward with forming a close bond with a new or established person on the intimate level when the past is still between you.
Allow Time for Growth
You want to make a person who is getting closer to you feel special, respected, trusted and loved. Give your affection freely and choose the appropriate times to make revelations about yourself. Also, give the other person time to process information about who you are, what you have experienced, and what is important to you. Each person will need time to adjust to the level of intimacy that evolves in a new friendship. When we become related to people by blood or marriage, we can use time to establish trust.