Why Do People Not Like Me?
Not everyone likes you. It’s a harsh reality. When people don’t like us, I begin to stress myself wondering what’s wrong with me. This article explains there may be a few things we need to tweak within ourselves to understand why we’re not the most popular person in town.
1. You Talk Too Much
We all have that one friend who talks too much. We just nod until they stop talking. People like a conversation that goes back and forth. Even if someone is a good listener, they probably want to insert their opinion at some point. If you’re telling them all about your fabulous vacation, they want to tell you about the time they went to the same place. If you have to listen to someone ramble on for 15 minutes, your mind starts to wander. You aren’t someone’s therapist. They say the best conversationalist is actually a good listener. Why? Because they actually listen to your words, form something to say in their mind then say something that actually makes sense. Of course, they can only do this if you close your mouth to let them.
So, if you often find yourself thinking “why don’t people like me?”, then you might want to try letting go of chipping in with your thoughts and opinions whenever you get the chance to. The next time you talk to people, try to really listen to what they’re saying and respond to their questions and needs, instead of trying to force your own view upon them. It may take some practice to get used to, but at the end of the day, it won’t only make you feel like people around you like you more, but it will also make you feel more useful to your friends and family.
2. You’re Boring
There’s a fine line between being boring and talking too much. It’s tough to accept that you’re not that interesting. It doesn’t mean you’re boring, though. At times you might feel shy, and you might not feel you have anything to contribute to the conversation. To others, it might seem like you’re a boring person. If you just smile and nod, instead of people thinking you’re quiet, they may think you’re a boring person. Not many people are truly boring. There’s something at the root of everyone’s interests. Share those interests with people, voice your opinion, and laugh a little. People won’t think you’re so boring after all.
The best way to become one of those interesting, talkative creatures is to listen to people around you and learn more about the things that excite them, research them, and put some effort into becoming knowledgeable about it. Once you do that, you might notice that the conversation will flow more smoothly, and your acquaintance will be more likely to take up an interest in whatever it is that you’re passionate about.
3. You’re A Know-It-All
People like it when you’re humble and don’t brag too much. Get off your soapbox and join the rest of the world that doesn’t know everything. When people suffer from “belief superiority,” others feel beneath them. If you think you’re right about everything, people begin to run away from your opinions. I’ve always said people that care too much about one thing annoy me. The reality is that no one knows everything. You’re going to be wrong at some point. Not everyone shares the same opinion with everyone else, so being a know-it-all only gets you so far in life. Others begin to roll their eyes that you’re on your soapbox again, spouting your knowledge. Just be reasonable and understand, sometimes you can be wrong.If you find it hard to prevent yourself from being pretentious about something you’re really passionate about, simply work on letting go of the preconceived notion that you’re an undisputed expert in that something. Nine times out of ten, you’re not the expert, and people can easily sense it when one is annoyingly trying to convince someone else to their point of view. It is one of the major reasons people may push you away from their lives. Humility is a crucial part of life and even though you may be convinced about your correctness regarding a particular issue, sometimes it’s better to let it go, if only for the sake of maintaining your relationships.
4. You’re You
Sometimes there’s no reason someone does not like you other than the fact they do not like you. They cannot pinpoint the reason. This is the same reason some people heat up a room with chemistry while others will not get along at all. It’s all about different personalities. Sometimes opposites attract while other times opposites cannot be in the same room. If someone doesn’t like you for any real reason, that’s their issue. In this case, be yourself, move along and just accept it. Some people like you and some don’t.
5. You’re Too Needy
You’re not a prince or a princess that everyone wants to save. If others feel like they’re always coming to your rescue, they’re going to start coming up with excuses all too soon. The constant phone calls, text messages, and direct messages drive others up the wall. Needy people walk around thinking everyone is going to leave them, so they have to bombard them with their stories so they won’t walk out. In reality, people can only take so much until they’re forced out the door. Needy people have to open their doors to others. They have to realize other people are in distress at times as well. Everyone needs somebody sometimes. It’s all about finding the balance in friendships when you need someone else or vice versa.
Another crucial thing to remember here is that while they’re quite useful, no one likes a pushover. If you go out of your way for others too many times, it can be difficult for your friends or colleagues to truly respect you. It’s not that you’ve made an enemy out of them for being too nice. On the contrary — you’ve become irrelevant and unlikeable. Trying to please everybody is the wrong way to go about establishing healthy relationships – the sooner you realize it, the better.
Neediness can exhibit itself in quite a few ways – some will try to find people they can constantly assault with their problems, questions, and dilemmas, just to make themselves feel better about their own predicament. Others may try to look for friends everywhere, looking to please everyone else but themselves, turning into a bland pushover without any real personality whatsoever. One of the best tips we can give you if you recognize yourself as one of these two needy types is this: others are not there to please you, nor are you here to please others. In the end, everyone is responsible for their own well-being.
6. You’re A Humblebragger
Humblebragging is a big thing. This is when you brag, but you wouldn’t want it to sound like bragging. You’re showing off, but you make it sound like you’re eating a piece of humble pie. You just posted that photo of your brand new custom-built home. The caption talked about how it is so difficult to keep clean since it’s so big. You think “life is about me.” No one feels sorry for you. No one cares that your new 4-karat diamond ring keeps getting stuck in your hair as you pull it into a ponytail. Many people see humblebragging as a way to throw it in someone else’s face that you’re better than them and no one likes that.
People don’t like humblebraggers for a variety of reasons, but the major one is the fact that they don’t have the guts to directly brag about their achievements, possessions, or relationships and have to hide it behind a false, poorly acted-out humility. Next time you want to show off to your friends, do it up front, like a regular person. Although you shouldn’t go overboard with it either, which brings us to our next point.
7. You’re A Show-Off
It doesn’t matter if you’re rolling around in money every night before bed, bragging about yourself is poor etiquette. Everyone seems to love a humble that doesn’t boast about their belongings or successes. Most people are fighting their own battles, and some people are just living on a day-to-day basis. They don’t want to hear about your perfect life. You might not even realize you’re doing this. Social media makes it easy to post a seemingly boastful life. Your smiling children in their gorgeous clothes, your expensive dinner date, or your new car might just be sharing to you, but it is boasting to other users. People aren’t impressed that you go on exotic vacations all of the time. They’re impressed when you sit down and want to hear about their holidays instead. It can be tough in a world where we want to be the best, but it’ll make you more likeable if you refrain from bragging about your life.
A lot of research has been carried out regarding show-offs, and most of it seems to point towards two things: someone shows off their seemingly lavish lifestyles because they feel like their losing their grip on life and treat it as a way of regaining control over the “narrative”. Another group of show-offs is a much simpler one: they have all the money, time, and luxury in the world, but are lacking someone to share it with, so they think that they can make new friends by “luring” them with all of the nice things they post on social media or show off in real life. More often than not, show-offs will end up developing fake, meaningless relationships based on status or money.
8. You’re Not Nice
Remember the movie “Mean Girls?” The girls ruled the school by being mean. No one really liked them, but everyone feared them. Mean people just aren’t popular. It might make them feel better but that’s just selfish. This is why most people in the political world work so hard to be liked because popularity wins votes. Sometimes you may think you’re joking, but others do not understand that type of personality. Sometimes jokes have just enough truth to them to offend others. Sometimes you’re just in a crappy mood, so you come off as mean. If you don’t say hello to your co-workers each morning or wave at a friend as they drive by, some people get offended by these little things. It is not hard to be kind. Even if you’re in a bad mood, put on a pleasant smile and wave hello at others.People may justify their meanness by hiding it behind well-known cliches, such as “I’m not mean, I’m just honest” or “they can’t handle the truth”, but the truth is that truly honest people have plenty of friends and can express their honest, or even divisive opinion without having to resort to offensive or inappropriate language and gestures. They also know to treat others the way they’d like to be treated — this isn’t just another one of our tips. It’s basic common sense to not deprive someone of their dignity.
9. You’re Too Nice
There’s a happy medium between being mean and just being too nice. “Too nice” often comes off as fake and/or weak. When someone is too nice, they usually never take sides to please everyone. Pleasing everyone often leads to you being unhappy in the end. Sure, you do not offend anyone, but you also don’t take a stand for yourself. People start to notice you are not respecting yourself. People may also think you might be really fake instead of really nice. Sometimes nice people are just nice. Sometimes nice people are just fake. Once they don’t get their way, the true colors come out. How can others know which one you truly are?
Just like in the case of needy people-pleasers, being too nice may backfire at one point in your life. If you’re insecure about your friends remaining your friends if you disagree with them once or twice, it might be the right moment to make sure whether they really cared about you in the first place, or just wanted to have someone they could boss around with no consequences.
10. You Like To Complain
Complaining is never positive. People enjoy being around positive people. Of course, even positive people have bad days and complain about not feeling well or that their world isn’t that great that day. There are millions of people living through horrible things. Those people chose how they’re going to deal with those things. Some choose to be positive, while other people prefer to complain about every little thing. People don’t like to be around buzzkills that always find the negative in everything. Some are empathetic and want to fix your world. If your world always needs fixing, though, they will start to back away from you. They do not want to feel blue all of the time. Constant complaining leaves your companions with a sense of sadness and helplessness as they cannot always your problems.
You are not the only person in the world with problems and worries. Life is complicated and doesn’t always pan out the way you’d like it to. It’s okay to want to talk about it with your friends and family, but it isn’t okay to constantly whine. The sooner you realize the difference between these two things, the better off you will be in your relationships.
11. You Dislike Yourself
The most important person that needs to like you is yourself. If you dislike yourself, others might do the same. Projection about one’s self is when you feel a certain way, so you assume others must feel that same way. If you think you’re boring, you may think others feel that way. Disliking yourself means the person that doesn’t like you is always with you. It’s harmful to one’s psyche. You must find things about yourself that you love. Even if it’s little, you need to build on these things daily. Once you like yourself, you’ll be more positive and ready to attack the world. Your positive energy will naturally pull people towards you instead of away with that negative energy.
Of course, when it comes to self-esteem, it is easier said than done. After all, extremely low self-esteem is a mental health issue, deeply rooted in your psyche. If you feel like your friends won’t understand what you’re going through, it might be a good idea to talk to a therapist.
12. You Gossip Too Much
Gossip seems fun until you’re the subject of that gossip. If you go around gossiping behind everyone else’s back, people are going to realize soon you’ll do the same about them. Even if you think you’re innocently gossiping, it can be very personal to other individuals. They may feel you’ve crossed a line with their trust. Gossip almost always gets back to the person. They don’t usually enjoy people talking about them. It’s always best to speak to the person about the issue before you spread rumors about them.
You may think that by having all of the fresh gossips and gladly sharing them around with everybody, you’re becoming popular, someone who everybody wants to be friends with. This, unfortunately, isn’t the case. Once you become known as the gossip of your circle of acquaintances, people will start moving away from you, and tightly control what information they share with you. Gossiping is a sure-fire way to push people out of your life.
13. You’re Selfish
Everyone is selfish at times. People don’t like it when you are selfish at all times. If you only do things that help you, you’re selfish. If you continuously turn the conversation back to yourself, others may see you as selfish. People love to talk about themselves. It’s crucial you give them this opportunity at times. It’s essential to do things for others. If people always seem to be doing something for you with nothing in return, it’s a selfish motive on your behalf. You can get away with it for a while, but others will begin to shy away from a selfish person.
14. You Have No Balance
Hiding your crazy is important to other people. Everyone has their issues, but it becomes a problem when your drama is there all of the time. If you throw a scene around everywhere you go, your acquaintances will start to run for the door. It’s all about having balance. Sometimes people are dramatic. You have to learn to understand there’s a happy medium in there. People enjoy being around someone calm and collected about most things in their life. They’ll know things are insane if a calm, collected person loses their cool.
You may think that your friends should know your wild and dramatic side, but you should understand that expressing your emotions is not the same as losing control over your actions and blowing every little thing out of proportion.
15. You Have No Loyalty
If your word means nothing, others might see it as you have no loyalty. If you promise to take your friend for a celebration dinner but never follow through, they lose faith in you. If you swear you’ll send your friend the photos you took of them, but never send those photos, they lose trust in you. Others need to believe in their friends’ words to believe in their loyalty. A flaky friend is just that, a flake. People expect you to do what you say. They don’t want to make you swear on your mother’s grave that you’re going to do something to make sure you actually do it. Treat your words as a promise at all times. If you do not think you’re ever going to do something, don’t say it.
16. You’re Too Competitive
People are too competitive for many different reasons. You might have low self-esteem, or you might have this drive to be the best at all times because society says that’s what you must do to thrive. Many people can’t stand a person that’s always trying to win everything. From the company chili cook-off to the “winner” for the best-looking suit at the holiday party, some people want to be the best at every little thing. This begins to grate on others over time. A person that is too competitive often comes off as being boastful and annoying. You don’t have to win at all times. Sometimes it’s just natural you are not going to win. Everyone must have a win sometimes. A healthy competitive person loves the feel of winning but lets it go when they know it’s time for another to win.
Not everything is a competition. Not every social interaction is going to have a winner and a loser. In fact, most of the time, people are just trying to go about their lives without trying to stir up a fight or a contest. Whether it’s at work, during a girls’ night out, or in the online sphere, do not treat everything as a game you can either win or lose, without a healthy middle ground. Control your competitive side. It can be very useful in certain situations, but if you let it take over most of your life, it can lead you astray.
17. You’re Judgemental
Judging others isn’t nice. No one wants to stand in front of you, knowing that you’re thinking about all the bad things you can think about them. Each person has the mind and control to make their own decisions. We can only control ourselves. Even if they’re totally in the wrong, they can figure that out on their own without your thoughts. We need to learn to support others without judgment and just let it go. It’s not our job to tell others how they should live their life. That’s a tough lesson.
Why don’t people like me? In the end, sometimes people won’t like you. There’s nothing you can do about it. Changing one’s personality is almost impossible, but you can change the way you act. You can change little things that will make sure others like you more. Sometimes no matter what you do, others won’t like you, but what matters the most is that you like yourself. Remember: there isn’t a person in the world who is liked by everybody. All of us have different tastes and personalities and these preferences dictate who we choose to associate with. Everyone can find their own, comfortable niche — it’s what makes life great.